The Worst Hotel Value in the Western World

Readers, do not make a last-minute decision to spend the night in Brighton on a warm summer Saturday night. If you do, have something with you other than the t-shirt on your back so that you can sleep warm and snug on the beach. Last night a friend and I tried to find a friendly inkeep after missing the last train by 6 minutes (at 10:30 at night? crazy country) and after an hour or so spent confronting "No Vacancy" signs ended up at the Hilton Brighton West Pier. A whole series of bad decisions led me there, but we won't focus my failings there, only the failings of this hotel. For the low, low price of £170, a mere $265, my (male) friend and I got one (1) small lumpy bed, a heater that wouldn't turn off, a constant gugling sound in the wall, a bathroom sink that looked like surgery had recently been performed in it, and that general cheap rotting threadbare hotel smell. Oh, and from the outside the hotel looked like something from Beirut, 1985. The Hiltons should be proud. I would not recommend staying at this hotel.